![]() Listening has a lot to do with learning how to be better members of our societies. We read it, took notes, and organized them down below for you to easily navigate through. ![]() ![]() Introducing us to some of the best listeners out there – among which, a CIA agent, a focus group moderator, a bartender, a radio producer, and a top furniture salesman – Murphy sets out to explore the science behind listening, the things that get in its way and how to train the ear and the mind to stay focused on the valuable information that we oftentimes miss, getting lost in thought or rehearsing answers while the other is still speaking. While you might take listening for granted, how well you listen, to whom, and under what circumstances determines who you are and the paths you take in life. Murphy sustains that, although listening is the foundation of communication, innovation, growth, and love, few of us really know how to do it properly, or where to even start.Īnd rightly so, living in the digital age, absorbed by the many narratives of social media, there is a lot of noise going on and not enough listening. That’s one of the key arguments that Kate Murphy makes in her powerful book You’re not listening. What hopes or fears or worries are leading them to buy into something that is not based on facts? Once you figure that out, and start understanding the person, it can be easier to talk with them and maybe get them to see that the propaganda isn’t necessarily going to be the best way to achieve whatever it is they are seeking.Listening is often seen as the humble counterpart of speech but is actually the stronger position in communication. But I think it would also encourage everyone else to listen more deeply to the person buying into that propaganda. I think the book would, of course, be in favor of anyone buying into propaganda to be open to other sources of information. The book discusses how you have to be okay with listening to other viewpoints than your own, even if it makes you uncomfortable, because that’s how we learn and grow. The book is very concerned with this! It discusses how people are falling into insular communities where everyone thinks the way they do, and, as a result, we are all drawing on different sources of information now, which is dividing us and making it hard to understand each other. Murphy manages to make the case for better listening while giving the reader a lot of helpful and concrete advice on how to listen better, and I hope that you can pick up this book and try some of the things she’s mentioned too. Overall, I found this to be an excellent read. Murphy is clear that a face to face conversation conveys the most information, followed by a phone call, and then text, but given that speaking over the internet is such an important part of our lives, is there any way we can do to improve it? Would audio-first networks like Clubhouse work, or could we have thoughtful conversations over blogs if we slow down and take the time to read what others are saying? One question that I had after reading this book was how social media could be improved to make us listen. But if you look at the benefits of good listening – understanding the other side, becoming firmer in our beliefs because we’ve heard the other side (and perhaps even better mental health because our amygdalae aren’t overactive), and making actual progress on issues rather than just creating viral soundbites. Learning about what a good listener is made me realise that… I’m not a very good listener at all! Listening to someone properly takes a lot of effort and I can see why so many of us would rather be distracted by social media than do this sometimes uncomfortable but rewarding activity. Learn to wait out the silences, instead of jumping in to speak.Support, don’t shift the conversation – When someone tells you something, do you turn the topic back to your experiences or do you ask a question that allows the speaker to elaborate further?.Do not be distracted – Our minds can move much faster than our lips and we must resist the temptation to wander off while listening to someone.Be in a receptive mode – Don’t just listen to the words, listen for the thoughts, meanings, and feelings.Instead, start by being curious about your conversation partner. Start from a position of curiosity – If you’re listening in order to advance your agenda, people will sense your inauthenticity.What is a good listener? The book looks at the topic from a variety of viewpoints, and gives us tips such as: Because we’re not listening, we’re not connecting with one another, leading to more shouting on our parts because we want human connection. In You’re Not Listening, Murphy attributes this to a decline in listening. If you’ve ever been tired of social media, it shouldn’t be hard for you to feel that we’re not connecting with each other.
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